Anyone who knows me knows that I think failure is a key component to success. It’s something I talk about often and odds are you have heard me talk about it at some point being the difference between the good and the great. However, there’s a chance that after hearing about the great things that failure can bring you, you didn’t know where to start. How do I start to fail and grow? What does that look like? The truth is that even though we know failure is a part of our future success and that it leads to growth, we still don’t want to fail. Even knowing that without failure we can’t fully achieve great success, we avoid failure. Failure still hurts, and it’s still uncomfortable, and when possible we choose the easier path. So, what do we do? How can I become great? How do I accept failure? How do I learn how to fail well? The answer is simple but not easy, much like most things that lead to success. Practice!
Failure is like all things we want to get good at we must practice. We must set ourselves up to fail and practice going through the process. You may be reading this and wonder, how do I practice failure? How can I set myself up to fail, without knowing that I’m going to fail. This isn’t as easy as purposely losing a game of Jenga or letting someone slower than you win a race. While that is failing and you indeed did lose, it’s not the kind of failure that forces growth or change. Instead, we must start to create stretch goals. We must attempt to force failure through challenging our abilities. It’s about stepping outside of our comfort zone. Just like a muscle, we must work beyond our current capabilities if we want to get stronger. This can be achieved by setting goals just beyond our current abilities. We have to do this daily.
For example, if I wanted to break the world record for holding a plank which is 8 hours, 15 minutes and 15 seconds I wouldn’t just show up and set the record. I’d have to build up to that number. I’d have to create stretch goals. So, day one my goal is to hold it for 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, then 1 hour, and so on. There’d be days when I would fall short of my goal and there’d be days when I’d probably feel like 8 hours is impossible. I’d fail over and over, but if it mattered to me to succeed, if I truly felt that I needed to set this record I’d show up again and again.
Another way of looking at failure is like looking at a good script or book. Odds are the product you see in the theaters or hold in your hand isn’t the original piece. The author had a vision for a piece of work and put that work on paper. Once they completed the story they went back and revised it. Failures are our life’s revisions. They allow us to make changes to the story based on the information we received following a failed moment. All great stories, inventions, musical pieces, or incredible feats of skill require revision. Without facing failure and stretching ourselves to fail, we don’t ever get the opportunity to make revisions. We don’t want to reach the end of our journey and realize we’re just a rough draft version of our best self. Through failing we can become the masterpiece we’re meant to be.
There’s another piece of practicing failure that people don’t often talk about. How bad do you want it? The desire to be successful or great is a key component to withstanding the failure that occurs along the way to greatness. If you’re only doing something because a parent, friend, or boss wants you to, then when you face failure or a difficult moment arises, you’ll quit or stop trying. Either way, you won’t push through the difficult moments that have to occur to be successful. You won’t display the grit necessary to be great if it’s not your goal, your passion, your calling. What does that mean for you going forward?
First, even if you don’t know your calling in this life, or what your completely passionate about you can practice failure. You can still set stretch goals. This is part one to learning to deal with failure. Set a goal for each day for 1 week and hold yourself to completing that week’s goals no matter what. After the first week, then set up your goals for the month. Try to continue to set stretch goals for at least 3 months, if after that time you’re not passionate about your pursuit you can change directions. However, if you commit to stretching yourself and growing for three months, you’ll see a solid change in the skill or proficiency of the task you’re attempting to pursue. The other thing that committing to three months will do is improve your grit. It takes grit to push yourself and fail and show up consistently (this is a topic for another time).
Part two of this process, once you’ve mastered stretch goals, is finding what your true passion is. What is your calling? What, above all else, do you want to achieve or succeed at? Without a true calling or passion you can be successful, but you won’t truly be great. It’s hard to commit to the work necessary to be great if you’re not completely passionate about that which you are pursuing. All great people in history have found a their work to be a calling or true passion of their’s, but not everyone finds their passion at the same time. So if you’re someone who doesn’t know what you’re truly passionate about yet, or know what you want to do with your life, that’s ok. There’s still time. Never stop searching for that thing that calls to you. Until then, practice failure every chance you get. Then when you do find your calling, you’ll be prepared to put in the work necessary to be great.
The old adage practice makes perfect holds true for understanding how to deal with failure as well. Without testing your limits, without facing failure and adversity, without setbacks, greatness isn’t possible. It is through stretching our abilities that we grow. However, with stretching our abilities, failure is inevitable. It is in those moments though that we learn how to be great. So, spend time everyday stretching yourself outside your comfort zone. Fail as often as you can, then evaluate each of those failures and grow. Also search yourself for a calling. Find what it is you truly want to excel at. If you want to be a great writer, singer, parent, coach, athlete, scientist, teacher, or whatever, you are going to fail along the way. Don’t let those moments deter you, don’t let your failures scare you or stop you from reaching further next time. Be courageous and fearless in your pursuits, and always fail forward.
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